R E G R E T : M E S S A G E
by kissmyanimex2012
Summary: Life is like a pebble cast into a lake, just a quick splash and it's gone. Nunnally knows that all too well. A short oneshot for a farewell to a dear sibling.


My first ever Code Geass fan fiction! I loved Code Geass from the moment I heard that Clamp was involved with it and it ended up being one of my favorite animes of all time! The relationship between Lelouch and Nunnally is what I loved most; to fight so ardently for the freedom of your beloved sibling, even to the point of death, is beautiful! This was inspired by the Lelouch and Nunnally version "Regret Message," and another video "[the sibling] si/gn," both of which you can find on Youtube! ("Si/gn" has some Japanese characters in the front, so just search "si/gn" and it should come up!)

The poem "Drop a Pebble in the Water," by James W. Foley, is referenced to like, a million times! Read it, it's beautiful!

AN: This is told in first person perspective from Nunnally's POV, and this will be a short one-shot!

* * *

I always wondered what the sky looked like. I long since forgot what it looked like, but now I can clearly see it again. Hues of blue and purple, clouds with silver linings, the bright, blinding sun—these things all feel so unusual now. Being robbed of my sight also robbed me of my memories of such normal things—but there was one thing I never forgot, and that was the look in your eyes. Big brother, do you remember the time you took me to the beach? Everyone was there, Suzaku, Shirley, Milly, Kallen, Nina, even Sayoko. It was so much fun. I wonder, was the sky beautiful that day too? In those happy days, none of us had to apologize or thank one another for anything—all of us were so close, it was unbearable. But I loved every minute of it, Lulu. Did you?

It's been five years. Five long years, big brother! Have you been watching over us? I hope you can see how wonderful it is, this new world you've created. Have you heard? Milly decided that she's going to take over as president of Ashford Academy! Oh—and I heard that Nina is working really hard on a new project! Everyone is doing great, Rivalz opened up a new bar, Anya is working on a farm, Sayoko still stays by my side, and I even heard something about Gino being promoted! Kallen's doing well, she stops by every now and then. She went to visit you, did you two talk long?

Hey, Lulu—was there something you ever really wanted to say but you felt you couldn't? I had a feeling a long time ago that you wanted to say something to me, but you hesitated. What was it?

heard someone say once that time is like a pebble cast into a lake. Just a splash and it's gone, you've already forgotten about it. But there are hundreds of ripples, slowly ebbing away. Spreading, spreading from the center, flowing out to sea—and there's no way of telling where the end will be. Did you run out of time to tell me what it was that you needed to say? The story goes on to say that time doesn't wait for anyone. I wished that it waited for you and only you. No… then that would be cruel wouldn't it, big brother? Shirley should have had more time too…

For the past five years, I thought a lot. I thought about what you had given me: hope, strength, courage, happiness, sadness, love, tenderness. So much. You never stopped giving me those things, even after you left my side. Even if you had stayed by my side, even if you never sacrificed yourself, I would _never _be able to repay you. You gave me everything and ended up leaving. For every day since that day, I have cast a pebble in a lake so that time will never stop for you and me. I feel… as long as I keep doing that, our conversations can go on forever. It feels as if you're still here, as if you are still whispering little things to me here and there, laughing at my bad jokes, chiding me over my silly mistakes. Every time I drop that shiny, soft stone, a little part of my heart hurts as if it's going away but my mind feels one step closer to you. Time is unending. Just like that, I felt as if I was you, and you were me. One mind, one body, one soul. But it would only last for that one, splitting second, big brother. However, today… the words that you wanted to tell me, the words you said but I had forgotten, they rang in my ears loudly. Those words, even now as I grasp this pebble in my hand, remain pounding forevermore in my ears. I don't think I ever replied, you never gave that chance. You left before I could even tell what I needed to say…

That's why, hearing your voice today so clear in my mind, I will finally answer you with all the feeling in my heart.

"I love you too, niichan."

_(AN: I would listen to that second video around this time)_

So, I have decided something as well. I folded one-thousand paper cranes and made a wish. I wished that I would drop this pebble for the last time. I would cast it off and never cast another one for as long as I live. But I'm scared… I don't want to lose these fleeting memories. I love them so much, almost as much as I love you.

Do you see my hand? It's trembling, outstretched over this pond. I want to release it, to finally let go and move on, but I too am hesitating. What should I do?

_ Let go. _

But I can't.

_Let go._

I won't!

_Let go…_

I love you too much to let go. Big brother, why did you leave me?

I wish Suzaku was here. It would make things a whole lot easier and my hand a whole lot steadier. Every now and then, Arthur goes to his grave and waits for a bit. I don't think Arthur can really let go of Suzaku either…

I need to let go. My people, our people, they need me right now more than ever. An era of peace is still in the making. Your sacrifices didn't end everything…

I'm still trying to be a good leader for everyone—Sayoko said I resembled Euphie too. I wonder if she was better set to rule Britannia…

I need to stop this… I keep looking down on myself. I call myself weak, and I am for holding on to such a foolish thing. This stone, so small, feels like the world's burdens are in my palm. The ripple would be ceaseless if that was how much it weighed.

I've made up my mind. I'm going to drop this stone. I am… going… t-to drop…

"_Drop a word of cheer and kindness: just a flash and it is gone;  
But there's half-a-hundred ripples circling on and on and on,  
Bearing hope and joy and comfort on each splashing, dashing wave  
Till you wouldn't believe the volume of the one kind word you gave."_

I can finally see it, Lelouch. The sky… it is so vast and incomprehensible. "Beautiful" does not even begin to sum it up. I must have been looking through a clouded mirror. My view of it before was a horrendous parallel to this magnificence! Are you soaring above me in that immeasurable blue lake? Has my pebble finally reached you and sunk to the bottom of your watery depths? Can you feel it? That is my everlasting love for you. Time will never stop, and neither will I. I will make up for lost time; I will see ever sight, taste every flavor, smell every scent, hear every sound, and feel everything. I will make it up to you, big brother. I will repay you, and Suzaku, tenfold.

.

.

.

"Thank you, niichan. For everything…"


End file.
